Breaking News Report

Federal biologists earlier this week spotted a lone black wolf in a remote forest of northeastern Kentucky, the first confirmed live sighting in the state in some 70 years.

Biologists agree that this lone wolf is especially rare because, while it has been known to cause uncontrollable bowell movements from domesticated dogs out of fear, it has an intense love for belly rubbings.
Scientists recognize now that these wolves are not tame and resist containment to the point of madness. Local residents should avoid the temptation to coddle these wild animals. They have been known, however, to stow away in locals' vehicles hoping to elicit car rides.

Puppy Mill caretakers this morning reported that this wolf is extremely lick-y and wag-gy and should be approached with caution.

Finally, thanks to the photographer who gave his life capturing this elusive creature on camera. His last photo reveals to us the nature of this wild beast: She cannot be tamed!

Burglars Beware

Those who know Maggie are probably aware that she's not exactly the most fear-inspiring member of the animal kingdom. For those who haven't met her, let's just say we don't keep her around for her guard dog skills. But she does try her best and we have evidence...

Here she is, sleeping as usual in her favorite chair (note: it is hers).Something makes noise outside... she shifts.

If the noise continues, she might jump up, bewildered and look around.

And, finally, once an intruder breaks into the house, robs us blind, and murders us all, Maggie will let out a howl to let us know that she is awake and ready for action. (Note: sometimes she forgets to face away from the wall.)

Thank you, Maggie, for trying.